


Lies

by allonsy_gabriel



Series: The Other 51 [7]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Acting, Existential Angst, Heavy Angst, Loss of Control, Loss of Identity, Not Happy, Self-Discovery, Wow, garbage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 16:24:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10880535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsy_gabriel/pseuds/allonsy_gabriel
Summary: Dishonesty is a policy I live with.





	Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. This is called 'Gabe Vents About Not Really Trusting Themself'. Not happy. No happy ending. Yikes.

"This world does not scare me," is a lie I tell myself every day. I try to convince myself that I'm brave and strong, but I've always been good at spotting lies.

This dishonesty is a policy I live with. A 'fake it til you make it' frame of mind of mind is the sort of armor I never take off.

It's no coincidence that I'm an actress. It's not chance that I'm good at pretending to feel things I don't.

It's no accident that I'm good at playing off falls and injuries with the phrase, "It's stage falling. You just gotta know how to catch yourself." The bruises on my hips and elbows and knees prove that these words are lies.

Lies. When did so much of my personality become deception? When did I master speaking and yet saying nothing? When did the heart on my sleeve stop being my own? I'm only 15! Was it recently, or have I been this way longer than I ever was genuine? Did I just now lose myself, or have I been a fantasy for so long that the reality is buried too deep?

I don't know which is worse.

I do know that I am scared. I'm scared every moment of every day.

Fear is easily hidden behind a mask of confidence, arrogance, and sarcasm. If I laugh at the idea of dying, I can't really be scared of it.

Lies. Lies. I'm soaked in it. My skin is saturated in dishonesty. But no one likes to label themselves as a liar or deceiver, so we use actor. We use closed off, we use guarded, we use cocky. Yet it's lies. Lies we love. Lies we protect.

**Author's Note:**

> The next work in History Obliterates is typed up, I just need it beta read. If anyone wants to do that, let me know!


End file.
